I have had a wretched few days.
   As a dean of the Southlake Deanery, one of my responsibilities, once a year, is to visit each priest and see how they are doing, to ask them about their plans and hopes, to inquire about the needs of their parish, and to examine their parish's sacramental records to make sure that they are up to date.
   That is something that I have enjoyed doing the past couple of years, even if it is a bit strenuous.
   However, this year, it has become even more so, probably because I still do not "listen to my body" as I should. I have been driving all around our deanery visiting 5-6 priests each day. That really takes a lot out of me now, especially with the weather.
   Today was not as bad as yesterday (as dark and cold and rainy as yesterday was), but I put a lot of miles on my car nonetheless.
   So, once I returned to the parish (I left at 9:45 a.m. and returned at 3:30 p.m.), I went to my office and looked through the mail, answered voice mail messages, and went through all the incoming email for the day.
   Then, at 5:00 p.m., I finally had a chance to go back to the house for the evening.
   All I wanted to do was to rest, rest, rest.
   I had just gotten everything out of the fridge and cupboards to make my dinner when the secretary called on the intercom. One of my parishioners called to say that his mother was dying and asked if I could come out to anoint her.
   How could I say no to that?
   So, I bundled back up and went out to the parishioner's mother's house and anointed her.
   Getting back to the parish, I then made dinner.
   When I sat down to eat, I pulled out a DVD to watch.
   It was Avatar.
   I really like that movie. It is really rich in colorful scenery. Even more rich, is the story itself.
   It is about a crippled ex-marine who is placed in the position of being able to have his spine fixed and regain the use of his legs.
   All he would have to do is get close to the indigenous people of a planet, learn their secrets, and sell them out.
   As I watched the movie, I thought to myself, "How many ways do we become sell outs in this life?"
   You know, we want all sorts of things. And, sadly, we do all sorts of things in order to get what we want, even if the things that we do hurt ourselves or others.
   We have to quit wanting what we want when we want it and begin to look at our responsibilities.
   That was the lesson of today's Gospel for the memorial of St. Angela Merici. The Gospel is one of my favorites:

The disciples of Jesus had been discussing on the way
      who was the greatest.
Jesus sat down, called the Twelve, and said to them,
      “If anyone wishes to be first,
      he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.”
Taking a child, he placed it in their midst,
      and putting his arms around him, he said to them,
      “Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me;
      and whoever receives me,
      receives not me but the One who sent me.”

   We all have a job to do.
   We may want to do other things.
   We might be fatigued.
   We might be disillusioned.
   We might be at a point where we do not continue.
   All I can say is, Continue anyway!
   The Lord calls us to be the best by becoming the servant of all.
   He did not say cater to our own whims.
   So, what is it going to be? Take care of yourself? or take care of others?
   I'm beat, I'm bush, I'm tired. But, I know what my answer is going to be: Here I am, Lord, send me!

   How did we function before technology?
   I often ask myself that question.
   I ask it most often when technology goes beserk.
   Like it has been doing for the past couple of days.
   I have been having major problems accessing the many websites that I host, including this blog and our parish and school sites.
   Our tech team has finally determined the problem late this afternoon.
   It appears to be a routing issue past our Comcast Business connection servers.
   The router is sending the internet requests hither, thither and yon. The problem with that is that we are having a hard time making accurate connections to the web sites. We might be able to get on initially, but then we have a hard time navigating the sites.
   For me, and this blog, it also means that I can barely connect into my editor function. I am doing a "cheat" tonight by writing my blog entry in Notetab Light. After I get the blog entry written, I will copy the entire entry, attempt to access my editor, quickly paste the entry in and hit save, hopefully before the site times out on me.
   If successful, you will be reading this missive. It unsuccessful, well, this whole exercise will have been in vain.
   I often remember my grandmother grumbling about technology. For her, technology was when they electrified her wring washer. She hated that, as well as all the inventions that came afterwards, including radio and television and phones and...
   My parents were a bit like that as well. They would never consider getting a computer. They were happy for me when I purchased my first desktop; but, they were not interested in one for themselves.
   I often wonder about the first inventions.
   "Fire? Who needs fire?! We got along fine without it. No one is ever going to use it."
   It is at those times that I often wonder what it is like to see the expanse of history through the eyes of God.
   How many times have our inventions amused Him? How many times has He thought to Himself, "Oh, no. Not another way to distract themselves from hearing my voice."
   Technology can be a wonderful thing as long as we do not abuse it.
   In the midst of your technological world today, have you made any time for God? If not, you still have an opportunity to do so.

   Today we celebrated the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul.
   At the school Mass, I shared with the students how the First Reading spoke about fear.
   After all, we had two people presented to us who had every reason in the world to be afraid.
   Saul was on his way to Damascus with letters of authorization on his person to arrest anyone who was Christian. The arrests would lead, ultimately, to the death of the Christians.
   Paul was making no bones about the fact that he truly believed the Christians to be the enemy of the people. He was a very faithful Jew and he was doing everything that he could to erradicate the followers of the man named Jesus.
   But, something happened on the way.
   He was knocked off of his horse by a blinding light.
   He heard a voice boom from the heavens: "Saul, why are you persecuting me?"
   When he asked the identity of the voice, he heard the word: "Jesus".
   Oh my.
   Could you imagine his fear?
   And, to top it off, after he was knocked off of his horse and blinded, he was instructed by that voice to go into the city and meet up with a representative of the Christian community. He was, in effect, instructed to turn himself over to the enemy.
   That would certainly make me very afraid.
   Meanwhile, there was another person who had great reason to fear: Annanias.
   Annanias, while at prayer, heard the voice of God. "Here I am, Lord."
   Very faithful.
   And then God asked him the impossible: search out the enemy, Saul, and minister to his needs.
   Are you crazy, God? This is the guy that everybody knows has letters authorizing him to arrest any of us. I don't want to die!
   Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to Saul.
   So Annanias went to Saul, told him that Jesus, whom Saul had "met" on the road, had instructed Annanias to come to him and heal him.
   Annanias placed his hands on Saul and Saul was healed, he was able to see again.
   We are so much like those two.
   We often live in fear.
   We often live in darkness.
   We cannot see or find the way.
   God does not leave us out in the cold, though.
   He sends people to us that can minister to us, if we but allow.
   We could take a defensive posture and push them away. We could allow our fear to overwhelm us and run away. Or, we could accept the help that comes to us from God and allow the other person into our lives.
   If we do so, we will have the opportunity to meet the Lord in a new way.
   God is there for us every day.
   He sends people into our lives.
   He wants us to see.
   Fear not! He will care for you!

   This evening, I watched one of my favorite movies: 12 Angry Men.
   If you have never watched this movie before, you really, really, really need to get it and watch it. Maybe it's on Netflix or other such services. It is a wonderful movie. If you wish, you can even watch it below. (I found the full version on YouTube. Just turn up your volume, click the "full screen" icon, and enjoy!)
   It is full of twists and turns. The cast does a great job showing how profession, background, ethnicity, et cetera affects so many people.
   Just when you are sure where the movie is going, it twists and turns and you find yourself going in the opposite direction. Until it twists again.
   That's pretty much the way of life.
   We find ourselves going in one direction, confident that we are on track. Before we know it, we are twisted and turned around and heading in the other direction. Then we turn again.
   In the process, we find ourselves in more need than ever before, yet we so often refuse the offer of assistance from others.
   I often think of my dad in that regard.
   Toward the end of his life, we went on a cruise vacation.
   Dad was an old sailor. He loved ships and did not mind tumbling seas.
   One evening, however, the seas that we were in were rather "active." Many people did not even show for dinner, they were so seasick. Dad got a kick out of that.
   But, going back to the cabin after dinner, I tried to help my dad keep steady. His age and declining health had made him rather feeble.
   He refused my proffered arm. He was angry to think that I would believe he needed help.
   He pushed away from me and went down the hall toward our room.
   As the ship kept rocking, he went from one wall to the other as he walked, hitting the walls like some kind of ball in a pinball machine!
   All I could do was laugh.
   As we got to the room, he was angry that I was laughing at him.
   Then, the absurdity of the moment hit him and he began laughing as well.
   He saw how upset he was at my offer to help and he apologized for acting the way he did.
   We can all get bent out of shape at times.
   Those are the times that we need to listen to reason.
   If you find yourself tumbling through life and a friend offers assistance, please think twice before you refuse it.